Sacrificial Suffering

Today is the first feast day for Pope Saint John Paul II (or is it St. Pope JPII or JPII St. Pope or JP St. Pope II?). And I've been reflecting all day, because it takes that long these days to do anything, on his life and especially the last few years of it and his death...

I remember watching video of JPIIs last days. He could hardly function and looked utterly exhausted all of the time. Why didn't he relax more? Why did he still run his normal schedule of papal audiences? Why didn't he just lay in bed like he probably desperately wanted to? Why?

Because without sacrifice, suffering is nothing more than an execution. 

John Paul II did something so great throughout his entire papacy: he showed us how to give until there was nothing left to give. He showed us all how to embrace our priestly call as baptized Christians. It's easy to forget we were baptized as priest, prophet and king. And if we do embrace those roles, it seems easiest to live as King and even prophet, but for me at least, it's hard to live out my priestly role. 

JPII teaches us a simple way to live it out though. Sacrifice through suffering. 

You see if Christ didn't willing offer himself up to suffer on the cross, it wouldn't mean redemption and salvation, it would be nothing more than an execution. It'd be pointless. Christ was not only a victim, but a redeemer. That's the call of priesthood. To make our suffering meaningful and purposeful. 

Motherhood has made me focus a lot on my own suffering, and more importantly my ability and need to sacrifice. My daughter and my husband need me a lot these days. And honestly, it's exhausting. Very often, I feel like I just want to lay in bed all day, throw out the to do list and hand off my responsibilities to someone else. But I don't. I can't. Why?

Because without sacrifice, my suffering is nothing more than an execution. 

If I let my suffering consume me, if I cave under the weight of my stress and exhaustion, it means nothing. Nothing but defeat.

So tonight as I listen to my crying daughter being rocked by my exhausted husband and I feel tempted to ignore his silent plea for help, I will choose to sacrifice. To make my exhaustion meaningful. To make my sore shoulders a place for my spouse to rest his burdens. To make my tired eyes open wide and see what a blessing my little sufferings are to my family. 

St. Pope JPII, pray for us!

Love Notes: Week 3

Monday October 13, 2014

After a busy weekend full of family and Baptism, Cana and I enjoyed a silent day at home. We slept in, snuggled in bed way to long and wore pajamas all day. If only daddy could have stayed home with us too. But he definitely got in his snuggles with Cane at night!

We also got some new Flip Cloth Diapers in the mail today! We will be starting cloth soon and I couldn't be more excited! 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

If you know me, you know I love a good deal. So much so, I can't remember the last time I purchased a piece of clothing that wasn't on sale or clearance. I typically don't do thrift stores or Ross type places, I'm just really good at finding deals on target sale racks and such. Today, Cana and I scored some awesome deals at a second hand shop called My Kids Closet! Not to brag but I got Cana a pair of sweats, a onesie, sun hat and pacifier clip all for $2.50! Major win! Since the shop is next to Cana's doctor, I foresee many trips inside!

Wednesday October 15, 2014

Another day of deals! I took the girl to Old Navy and got myself some clothes. Apparently, breastfeeding doesn't shed all your prego weight right away and since all my maternity clothes are for summer, I need to buy some (larger) fall clothes until I can fit in my pre-babe pants... Not fun, but getting cheap clothes makes it better. I got a pair of linen pants for $7 and two tops for $8 each! I'm such a pro. 

We also had Frankie's old roommate, Travis over for dinner! I remember the first time he held a baby, two years ago! He didn't forget how to do it because he did great with Cana! Haha

Thursday October 16, 2014

My advanced child decided to roll over again (for the fifth time) today! She's getting stronger by the day and it's scary. Slow down, woman!

Friday October 17, 2014

Today Frankie had conferences at work and was home by noon! Seriously, such a gift! We decided to take advantage of the day and grabbed lunch and spent some good awake time with daddy! 

Later, we went on a movie date while Cana was babysat by her aunt, uncle and grandma (it takes a village)! We are so blessed to have so many family members who love our girl! Again, I was nervous to leave her and missed her like whoa! But... One on one time with my spouse is a rare thing these days and I cherished every minute! Plus, Gone Girl... Dude... So.messed.up. 

Looks like Cane had a blast with her uncle JC, Aunty Coley and Grandma MJ, though!

Saturday October 18, 2014

Today was hard... We've officially been introduced to the six week growth spurt and when you combine it with increasingly bad reflux... You get a bad bad day. And a tired, cranky baby. And a crying, defeated mama. But you also get a very loving and supportive husband who sees your stress and suggests a trip to confession and some good prayer time. What a guy, huh? A good Sacrament is just what I needed after a highly stressful morning. Praise God for confession and praise God for husbands. Amen? Amen. 

Sunday October 19, 2014

Cana's first trip to Greeley post-womb was today! We celebrated sweet AvaMarie's second birthday! Cana enjoyed her first party and meeting all her mommy and daddy's Greeley friends! She told me to make sure I decorate her first birthday as well as Raquel did for AvaMarie's... Fair warning little girl: your entire nursery was mainly created by Raquel, so don't expect much from your mama. Lol

Also... 509!!!! Cana and I could sleep easy knowing we saw Peyton get #509, so we went straight to bed! And joyful, joyful, the babe actually slept a few hours!!! Thank you Peyton!

Major Win!

After 5 weeks and 4 days, this mama is finally mastering the art of the swaddle! I've successfully gotten my sweet, swaddle-hater to fall asleep wrapped snuggly for the last few days! Woohooo!

This is big news folks! Finally the girl who would wake herself up with wild thrashing arms, can sleep in peace (and so can her mother)! 

Now this is still a work in progress, as sometimes she'll wake up after a few minutes (like she did after I took this picture...) but we are making progress and that's what matters in my little heart!

Cheers!

Best.Day.Ever.

One of the best days of my life was the day you were born. But, I must admit it wasn't THE best.

Why?

Because, although, I have had many amazing days in my life so far (the day I was born, when I married your father, finding out I was pregnant with you, etc) no day will ever compare to the day I was baptized. 

I may not remember February 22, 1991, but it was definitely the best day of my life! It was the day I became a daughter of God and was welcomed into the Holy Catholic Church. My sins were washed away by the waters of baptism and I was claimed for Christ. How could any other day ever compete with that? 

And now, my sweet girl, you have experienced the best day of your life! As Fr. Crispin poured the water over your tiny head, as you screamed because you were starving and had no idea what was going on, you became clean in the truest sense of the word. Your soul was washed clean and the gates of Heaven were opened to you. Christ claimed you for himself and never will he let you go. 

You're a princess now. A daughter of the Most High King! You. Are. Catholic.

Welcome Home, Cana Marie! 

Our little sinner about to become a Saint!

BAPTIZED!

So done didn't want to wake up and have a giant gown placed on her... Lol

Proudest parents alive!

Cana with her amazing godmother, Katie!

Such a beautiful cake for a beautiful girl!

Your Baptismal gown that my grandfather and great grand parents got baptized in as well! 

LoveNotes: week 2

Monday October 6, 2014

Cana and I relaxed at home and prepared the house for my parents to come for a visit. Sometimes a day in pajamas is all you need. 

Tuesday October 7, 2014

Happy one month birthday, Cana Marie! Read up on what we learned and experienced during our first 30 days with the Canester. 

Wednesday October 8, 2014

We took a trip to Estes Park with my parents. It was sad that Frankie couldn't join us because he had to work, but we had a blast in one of my favorite places. And boy am I proud of how well Cana did on her first big trip!

Thursday October 9, 2014

Frankie and I went on our first date since pre-Cana. My parents so graciously offered to watch our girl while we went to dinner and dessert. I spent the entire day stressing and preparing for the (less than) four hour date. And yes... I cried in the car on the way to dinner. Judge away! But once we got to dinner, I relaxed and enjoyed the rare quality time with my amazing spouse. It was a blessed few hours!

Friday October 10, 2014

Today, we went to dinner at Frankie's moms house and Cana got to meet her auntie Megan and uncle Leslie while they were visiting from Utah! Big props to Les for being brave enough to hold her! Haha

Saturday October 11, 2014

Cana Marie, welcome home! You're officially a child of God!!! I've never been such a proud mama!

Sunday October 12, 2014

My parents left today, which is sad but we are so grateful for their time here. It was also rainy and cold, which is the best! And lastly, it was bronco Sunday which meant Cana's godmother, Katie, came to hangout. She brought our newly baptized girl a perfect gift: an Immaculate Heart of Mary doll (made by the awesome Raquel)! I can't wait for her to play with it!

Month One: what we learned

This month flew by and yet it took forever! But in these last 30 days we've all learned and experienced a lot. Let's review the magic of month one:

We learned to breast feed! We had our troubles but we prevailed (with the help of an excessive amount of lanolin)!

Daddy is now a pro at diaper changing. The first few days were a two man job... 

Cana learned to hold her head from pretty much day one. Rather second one. Since that's what she did when they placed her slimy self on my chest at 6:11am on September 7th. Proud mama right here.

I gave up thinking I knew what I was doing. Hey, at least I was trying to go in optimistic! 

Cana hates laying in (get ready to sing...) wide open spaces! And by wide I mean anything that feels slightly different than a grown human being's arm. 

Despite her love for confinement, Cana loathes the swaddle. Her mama also hates every google search result that suggests one of my problems will be solved by swaddling my infant. It just don't work!

Daddy loves feeding Cana a bottle every few days. And I enjoy the tough free time (don't judge, I'm allowed to admit that).

If you ever want Cana to sleep, place her in her car seat and simply pick it up. She will be out before you can even walk to the car. 

Headbands are a must. A lady at Cheesecake Factory called her a boy when she didn't have one on, so now they're eternally on her head while in public. 

Baths are hard. But very enjoyable, so there's that. But anyone who can give a newborn a bath on their own is a pro in my book. Too many things to hold. Not enough hands. 

Doorways should be a half of a foot wider. Sorry, Cana, for all the times your father and I have banged your head on the door frame while walking through... You're a tough one though, so we don't worry too much. 

Cana looks like she's approaching the 7th grade with her face full of baby acne. Don't worry, Cane, it's a weird time for everyone.

Praise The Lord on high that our girl is not a major crier. Sure she can keep up with the crankiest of babes if she desires, but generally a little fuss is all she proclaims with her wee little vocal cords. Pop a paci in her mouth and she'll let you be.

We are also blessed to have a great sleeper! She's been consistently sleeping from 9pm-12:30, 1-4:30, and 5:30-7am! Every so often she'll throw me for a loop and wake up every hour but for the most part I'm a happy and rested mama!

I'm sure there are five thousand more things to recap but who really cares at this point. It's all going to change next month, let's be real. And I'm sure only about two people have made it to the bottom of this list anyway (thanks mom and Frankie). So, until next month I'll just leave you with some of my favorite photos!

Action shot!

The end!

Love Notes Link Up

My amazing friend, Raquel, over at Story of a Rose has this weekly Love Note post, that I must admit I can't wait for each Monday morning! I decided to join in the fun and (try) to post my own love notes each week. It's such a great reminder of the little things God does to show us love in our daily lives. So here we go!

Monday, September 29th

Let me just start this out on a high note: Pumpkin Eggnog Chai Tea! And this girl in a baby hipster hat. 

Power to the People!

Tuesday, September 30th

Cana and I went to lunch and Ikea with Frankie's mom and grandma. I am so blessed to have a husband with such a great family! It makes being away from my family a little bit easier. 

Wednesday, October 1st

Today was three years since Frankie and I began dating. THREE YEARS! Seriously, it feels like a life time, but in reality we did things pretty quickly! Dating, engagement, marriage and a baby all in three short years. That's less than high school! But praise God for his perfect timing! I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

Today was also St. Therese's feast day, so Cana and I joined Frankie's 8th graders for a party at school! They're some of the sweetest kids around and absolutely adore Frankie. I am so grateful he is able to teach in a place where he is so loved and feels so joyful!

Thursday, October 2nd

One thing I am highly grateful for is Lactation Consultants! They're the sweetest women alive and know exactly how to make a breastfeeding mother feel great! Cana and I went in for a check up today and I was terrified she wasn't gaining weight and that I was making huge mistakes with nursing her. So terrified that I cried in front of the LC! But bless her heart, she reassured me that we were super successful and I was doing everything correctly! Cana even gained a whole pound since her two week check up! I think we are finally getting the hang of nursing and it's sooooo great!

Friday, October 3rd

Today I spent every second of Cana's naps and nursing sessions on the computer and phone trying to sign her up for insurance, get her birth certificate and figure out how on earth to locate her social security number! It was incredibly stressful and annoying. But... At the end of the day, I got it done, and realized how thankful I was for needing to do all of it. Because if I didn't have to do it, that means I wouldn't have my sweet Cana Marie. The stress was worth it for her. 

Saturday, October 4th

Pumpkin Patch!!! Today was our first big outing with Cana and it went perfectly!

We went to an awesome pumpkin patch/farm in Erie called Anderson Farms with Frankie's dad and step mom. It was my first time at a patch like that and Cana's too. She slept pretty much the entire time in the baby bjorn, but we all assumed she loved it! We even picked out a tiny pumpkin for our tiny girl! I can't wait to make this a yearly tradition with her grandparents!

Sunday, October 5th

Today was Cana's last Sunday Mass as a non-Catholic! Woohoo! And good news! No one asked me how old she was or proclaimed how cute she looked in the middle of Mass! They actually waited until Mass was over today! Bravo, community, bravo! Let's keep it up and not let the cutest baby in the world distract us from the greatest gift in the world (Jesus in the Eucharist). 

An open letter to Carters...

Dear Carter's Baby Clothes Makers,

I love your clothes. The onesies fit great, the various animals that grace the bottoms of your sweet leggings are adorable and I love the great prices of your mini outfits! But I have an issue... I'm a new mom, so this is a very new issue to me. One I never thought would matter much, but now it's a constant pain in my non-animal-faced butt!

My issue is footie pajamas with buttons.

It sounds trivial and strange but let me explain. Do you know when children wear footie pajamas? At night. And do you know what moms have to do at night to their footie wearing children? Change their diapers. So when you make footies with seven thousand buttons instead of one simple zipper, you make a thirty second diaper change into an all night affair. Not cool.

I actually have to fully wake myself up, instead of sleepily changing my poopy girl in a dreamy haze. And the frustration gets passed on to my child as well. She hates the cold nights and the breeze that flows through her mis-buttoned jammies. We all hate buttons and they should be outlawed when it comes to footies. Go ahead, Carter's, and put three of them on onesies. Heck I'll take a few on a dress or shirt. But don't you dare make another footie without the God given gift of a zipper.

And I'm aware that you do make zippered footies (I own many), but how on earth do you expect any good mother to pass up buttoned giraffe butt or owl feet jams and go with the solid colored zipper jams instead? I feel you purposefully make the cutest pajamas with buttons... So rude!

Although the survey is still out, I bet most mothers, and fathers, will agree with me.
Ban the Buttons!

Signed,
A mother who woke up to her daughter looking like this...

The Gift of a Shower

Showers where I can wash my hair, shave my legs and stand under the hot water until it runs cold are such a dream these days!

Cana tried her first bottle last night! And the best part? Frankie fed her!

He's struggled a little bit to bond with her as much as I have. Seeing as he is at work all week and doesn't have boobs... It's upsetting for us both when I hand her to him and she gets fussy almost instantly and won't be consoled until she gets back to me. But after being fed by her daddy, that changed! He rocked her, played with her and snuggled her til she slept for over an hour with no fuss. None. Zero. Zilch!

For the first time in almost four weeks, I was able to shower without rushing through it and listening carefully for screams coming from the living room. Praise God!

Although I love all the holding and rocking and feeding of Cana, it gets exhausting... I feel guilty admitting that, but I know I'm allowed to feel that way. It's natural. After three and a half weeks of almost constantly being touched by my daughter (and nine months of growing her in my womb), my body needs a rest. Having the ability to give her to Frankie with a bottle and know I have at least an hour of touch free time is a great gift. One that I never knew would be so important to me.

However, after her bottle and my glorious shower, I found myself longing for her next feeding time. I missed her. What a strange time I'm living in... Simultaneously wanting space and wanting to constantly hold my little girl.

Oh motherhood, you're a funny thing sometimes.