Grace

Today, I need it. 

I need grace to wake up every half hour in the night.

I need grace to watch my husband sleep peacefully and not feel resentful.

I need grace to do laundry with one hand.

I need grace to eat my breakfast over a two hour period of time.

I need grace to continually replace a pacifier in a fussy baby's mouth.

I need grace to not cry every time the baby monitor lights up.

I need grace to turn off the trashy tv and make time for prayer.

I need grace to brush my teeth and be ok with wearing yoga pants all day.

It is only 11am and I've needed a heaping load of grace already. I know even more is needed to get me to bed time. 

So today, I am thankful. Oh so incredibly thankful for my God who heaps His perfect grace into my mess of a heart on days like today.

Amen.

Thank You, O God...

This morning as I reflected on the Gospel, I began to think of all the things I am thankful for, but haven't presented my thanks to God for them. The list is long, my friends! 

Sometimes I feel like the other nine lepers that didn't return to Jesus after he healed them. It seems I am only like the tenth leper when something huge happens in my life. And that's not ok. 

I love this meditation by Saint Faustina Kowalska reflecting on this verse from today's Gospel:

"He fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him" (Luke 17: 11-19)

"Thank you, O God, for all the graces Which unceasingly you lavish upon me, Graces which enlighten me with the brilliance of the sun, For by them you show me the sure way. Thank you, O Lord, for creating me, For calling me into being from nothingness, For imprinting your divinity on my soul, The work of sheer merciful love. Thank you, O God, for Holy Baptism Which engrafted me into your family, A gift great beyond all thought or expression Which transforms my soul. Thank you, O Lord, for Holy Confession, For that inexhaustible spring of great mercy, For that inconceivable fountain of graces In which sin-tainted souls become purified. Thank you, O Jesus, for Holy Communion In which you give us yourself. I feel your Heart beating within my breast As you cause your divine life to unfold within me. Thank you, O Holy Spirit, for the Sacrament of Confirmation, Which dubs me your knight And gives strength to my soul at each moment, Protecting me from evil… Thank You, O Lord, for the Sacrament of Anointing Which, in my final moments, will give me strength; My help in battle, my guide to salvation, Fortifying my soul till we rejoice forever. Thank you, O God, for all the inspirations That your goodness lavishes upon me, For the interior lights given my soul, Which the heart sense but words cannot express. Thank you, O Holy Trinity, for the vastness of the graces Which you have lavished on me unceasingly through life. My gratitude will intensify as the eternal dawn rises, When, for the first time, I sing to your glory."

So today, despite the snow and cold and dreading the thought of taking Cana out into the mess, I am dwelling instead of the many things I am thankful for. They far outweigh the bad!

Month Two

Two short/long months with you! I can't believe how different you are every single day and how different you have made me.

Here's a recap of month two:

You now love the swaddle (actually you hate it still but sleep very well once you accept what you cannot change)!

You lick all the things! Hands taste the best apparently!

You're sleeping 6 hours straight, which is heavenly! But your naps aren't as awesome. Not quite hellish though. Purgatory, perhaps?

You laugh at Jesus any time you get a glimpse of him on the cross. Daddy calls you a little mystic. One more reason you will never date: you already love Jesus! 

You got baptized! Nough said!

Your desire to sit up and/or face outward at all times is the funniest thing. I love watching you take everything in with your gorgeous blue eyes. 

Mommy put all your newborn clothes away... It's pretty sad. But at the same time, I'm loving all the new outfits she gets to wear! 

When I asked daddy what else you learned this month he called your name, you laid there unphased, and he said, "well she didn't learn what her name is..." Ha.ha.ha.

You were diagnosed with some intense reflux. But with the help of some meds we officially have you sleeping flat on your back now! Thank you Dr. G!

You love to unknowingly bat at toys hanging in front of your face. Sometimes you even hold them. Again, unknowingly. However, Sophie the Giraffe is your unofficial BFF. Her squeaks make you laugh almost as much as Jesus. 

You celebrated your first Halloween by going to daddy's school dressed as sully and getting chipotle for dinner dressed as a burrito. Well done!

You had some gnarly body rashes but with some diet changes by mommy it cleared up and now we just make sure your skin stays extra moist with  the help of coconut oil. (Which makes me want to constantly sniff you...)

Annnnd here are your 2 month stats:

Weight: 13lbs 3oz! Yep, that's the 95th percentile, my dear chubster. I can only imagine what you'd weigh if you didn't have reflux! 

Height: 23in. 75th percentile. It's safe to say your dreams of being a ballerina are shattered. Sorry not sorry.

Head size: 50th percentile. At least one thing about you is average! But really, who cares about being normal anyway?!

You got your first set of shots and cried right along your oh so (not) brave mama. 

In other news: 

I love you. More and more each day. You've changed me and grown me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Thank you. Thank you so so much. That's all I can muster to say in prayer each day. Thank you. And thank God! Amen. 

A few of my favorite photos:

Sleeping Like a Baby

"Sleep like a baby" is not what it seems. We use the term to mean sleeping well. In fact, it should be used to mean sleeping horribly. And never easily. 

I shouldn't complain and this isn't a woe is me blog post, trust me! Honestly, Cana has made me a very happy mama lately because she is finally sleeping through the night! She goes to bed at 8pm, wakes at 2 to eat and sleeps again until about 5:30-6:30! I have no complaints! 

Although I have a champion night sleeper, my daytime sleeper has become a big fat loser! We e been doing babywise for the last month or so, with an 8am wake up time. It went great for the first few weeks, but since Cana's started sleeping longer at night, she's moved her wake up time to 6am instead of 8... Not that fun, but I can handle it. What I struggle with is that her naps have been a major struggle lately!

Naps have become short and she requires me to rock her to sleep for like a half hour before I can put her down. When her nap is barely an hour, that gives me very little time to do anything... 

So... Today I tried what all the internet moms forbid: cry it out. Dun dun duuuuuun....

Cry it out is what it sounds like, you let your baby cry instead of rushing in to comfort them. There are many (strong and insane) opinions about it but there are also many different methods. I decided to put Cana to sleep like normal (swaddled and rocked to sleep) but when she stirred and woke up, I would just pat her belly and try to calm her without picking her up. Once she calmed I would leave the room with her still awake and not go back in for 3 minutes if she cried again. 

Well, I gave it the good ole college try but eventually caved after about five minutes. And now my spoiled girl is asleep in my arms... Ha.ha.

Internet mom opinions and my lack of bravery aside, I think we will eventually have to put this method to use. But for now, I'll rock my girl like a wagon wheel (whatever that means) and dream of the day she will sleep on her own. And when that day comes, I'll dramatically miss these days of rocking her to sleep. 

Thus is mom life. 

Soak it all in, Erika. She'll be in college before you know it. 

Child Like Joy

The last few days have been a whirlwind when it comes to my personal prayer and my family's prayer. God has definitely called us to a deeper spiritual life after a bit of a hiatus due to the crazy transition into parenthood. 

One thing I've been praying a lot into is child-like faith and joy (Obviously, because I spend my entire day with a child). Cana has recently learned to laugh and it's the most joyful thing I may have ever witnessed. Even better though, is that she will instantly laugh when she sees a crucifix. Yep. You can make all the funny faces and silly sounds in the world and mayyyybe get a giggle, but place Jesus on the cross in her gaze and you've got the happiest babe in the land. 

This morning, while I was doing morning prayer with Cana on my lap, I noticed she was laughing at the crucifix above our bed (like she does every morning after breakfast). I started thinking about her joy and what it means in a relationship with Christ. 

Multiple times in the Gospel, Jesus mentions children and His love for them. We learn that we must rely on Christ like a child relies on their mother and that Heaven is a place of children. A place of child-like joy and faith. 

My daughter has that Heavenly joy and faith. Although, she is barely two months old, her little baptized heart knows where her joy stems from. She knows love when she sees it! And as a mother, I couldn't be more proud and inspired. 

From the moment I found out I was pregant, this little girl has been teaching me and guiding me toward holiness (possibly more than I've done for her) and her daily jokes with Jesus are continuing to show me the path to Heaven. 

Motherhood is hard, but it's also hilarious. Thanks, Cana Marie!

Coffee Table Contents

The other day I thought about getting rid of our coffee table to make more room for Cana to play on the floor. However, I quickly realized how much stuff our little table holds (not coffee). 

So here is a glimpse of all of the incredibly important stuff contained on our coffee table!

-Vaseline (correction: petroleum jelly. We can't afford brand names) for Cana's insanely dry facial skin.

-Sophie the Giraffe! Cana's favorite licking apparatus.

-Video monitor for baby spying.

-20% off Babies R Us coupon (that won't be used. Because Target has it all for way less moola).

-Coasters. Who uses these? Answer: fancy people. AKA: not the Xaviers! 

-NFP how to book. Nine months of no charting makes you forget the three months of classes you took to learn the stuff. Maybe we need a refresher course...

-Bible and journal, belonging to my spouse. I love coming out each morning and seeing them in a new spot on the table. 

-Baby Chapstick that this baby-mama uses. It's like magic on your lips! Must purchase more.

-Not one. Not two. But THREE pacifiers. Seriously, they're all needed.

-Annnnnd dust. Lots of dust. Thanks, black ikea table...

Clearly, the coffee table isn't going anywhere any time soon. It houses far too much important stuff. I don't think we'd survive without it.