One Year: 22lbs. Gives kisses. Loves her car. Plays ball. Happy Birthday!
I can't believe a year ago I pulled you up onto my chest and laid eyes on you for the first time. 6:11 in the morning. 20 inches long. 8 lbs. 5 oz. of pure love. The spitting image of your crying daddy. There you were, and here you are now. My big girl, walking, talking, laughing and the occasional crying. I cannot believe how much you've changed in the last year.
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Two days before you were born, as I prepared to head to the hospital, I sat down and wrote you a letter about my doubts and fears of being your mother, but also my biggest promise to you. I promised to pray for you and to always point you toward Heaven. Until the day I die.
"This world is big and wild and so incredibly hard to navigate without eyes fixed toward Heaven. As your mother, I know it is my job to help you see the beauty of Heaven on a daily basis. It is my job to help you know what and Who you were created for. It is my job to cover you in prayer and beg God, daily, to consume you with His burning Love."
Now, as I reflect on that letter and the last twelve months, I realize how hard this year was. I can't count the amount of times I failed, yelled, cried, and wanted to give up... All the fear and doubt I had two days before you were born followed me into the sleepless nights, the long days of short naps, the frustrating feelings brought on by postpartum depression, and so much more. But what also followed me was hope in a better night, grace to get through each day and peace in knowing that God gave you to me for a reason.
I look back and realize that although I haven't been the perfect mother, I have kept my promise to you. Sometimes out of desperation but mostly in true gratitude for the gift that you are to this world. I hope you've glimpsed Heaven. I hope you've learned how important you are. And, I hope you know how much we've prayed for you, sweet Cana Marie. We will never stop.
Happy birthday, little one.
Love, Mama.
Month 12:
You're a walker 99% of the time! Nothing beats your adorable little waddle!
Stairs are your best friend. Up and down. Down and up. They bring you so much joy!
You nap for about an hour and a half twice a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I can't complain, either way.
Night time sleep is still a struggle for us all. You have good nights and bad nights, but don't we all. It's taken me 12 months to realize that no matter what I do, I just can't make you sleep through the night until you're ready and willing. I've criticized myself for a whole year about this and now I'm done. Forgive me for my impatience and frustration.
You and I have been working hard watching your new little friend, Wyatt everyday! You're only two weeks apart and have a love/hate relationship already! Watching you play and communicate with each other is adorable. Breaking up fights is not.
You always have to have something in your hand while walking around the house. Particularly a pink, toy spatula. You stir it in a bucket, pretend to feed people with it and pretty much anything else you can think of. Who needs stuffed animals when you have a kitchen utensil?!
Your opinions are very strong these days. If you don't like something, everyone knows. Quickly. If you love something, same deal, but a lot more pleasant.
You officially now have eight teeth! Four on top and four on the bottom. I keep thinking you're starting to get your molars but who knows!
I hope and pray I am wrong, but I have a feeling you're becoming a biter... You've started "trying" (not really ever succeeding) to bite people and things. You don't always do it out of anger, mainly just curiousity.
You like to take little bowls and after taking a sip you say "Mmmmm!" It's the cutest!
You love to climb everything (not just stairs), especially onto the couch.
Opening kitchen cabinets and drawers and making a huge mess is your specialty.
Your favorite food is still blueberries, but you've graduated to also loving apple slices (but only while walking around! You throw them instantly if you're in your highchair...). You're still a great eater, but have forgotten how to sign "all done" so you've taken to just throwing food on the floor...
You're slowly starting to wean yourself when it comes to nursing during the day (sadly not at night). You'll go four, five or sometimes even six hours without nursing if you're busy. Usually I can only get you to nurse in a dark and quiet room right before or after nap time.
You throw your pacifier out of your crib the second you wake up, because mama is a sucker and you know I'll come in to give it to you quickly.
My favorite thing you say is this little high pitched "hiiiii" and "oooh" when you see something fun or exciting.
Your favorite (non-spatula) toy is your box of Saint peg dolls. You're finally old enough to play with them and not just eat them.
You love putting things in and taking them out of boxes, buckets, bins, you name it.
You're a master at peak-a-boo. You cover you head with something then yell to get our attention.
You've officially been stuck with the strangest nicknames for a year now, so I'm guessing it's going to stick. Here's to a lifetime of being called "Cane Bane", "Baner", or the not so bad "Cane." Haha
We celebrated your first birthday, on the fifth, with so many of the people that love you most! Your joy was contagious! You truly are a little ray of sunshine!
Notes from Dr. G:
Weight: 21 lbs 12 oz.
Height: 30 3/4 ins.
Head circumference: 17 1/2 ins.
Dr. G loves loves loves you! She was so impressed by all your talking and how much of a fun personality you have! Not a worry in sight!
Favorite photos:
