Breaking the Silence.

This morning I went to a kids consignment store for a big sale. The line was wrapped around the store and took forever, so I struck up a conversation with the other moms around me. As we chatted casually about our children, one of the moms asked me "so do you just have the one daughter then?" I replied, "Yup! At least for now!" and we proceeded to discuss her brood of boys and a million other things moms like to discuss with other moms.

But in my mind I was focused on something else. I clung to the detail of her question, "one daughter." I clung to that technicality, in thanksgiving.

As a loss mama, I am not at all ashamed of my baby in heaven and I'm never afraid to mention his name, but I often feel like I'm not supposed to in public. The times I've been asked how many children I have, and responded truthfully, have often been met with awkward silence and uncomfortable looks. People clam up and don't know how to respond, and their discomfort is instantly my responsibility. So when someone asks me if I just have "the one daughter" instead of "is she your only child?" I take advantage of the technicality and am grateful to avoid the awkward response.

However, at the same time, it kills me. It kills me that we live in a world where lost babies are treated like Voldemort... They must not be named or mentioned. It kills me that I even notice such a small technicality in a strangers question. A detail I would've never thought of a year ago. It kills me that our culture respects and honors the grief of a parent who loses their grown child, but not the parent who lost their child to early miscarriage. It kills me that I second guess every mention of my second child, no matter who I am talking to, just out of habit. It has to stop. We need to change the way we view pregnancy loss and stop being silent.

Today, in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, millions of parents across the world are breaking the silence and speaking the names of their babies lost too soon. We are rallying together as a tribe of moms and dads who never wanted to share this connection, but sadly do. We are sharing our babies, our stories, and our grief in hopes of changing the world. And I really think we can.

So here we are, broken and grieving, brave and joyful, as we carry this heavy cross we never wanted. See us. See our babies. Break the silence.


John Simeon Xavier, pray for us, sweet boy.

Two.

Another year of life has come and gone for you, my sweet girl. A year of growth, physically, mentally and spiritually. A year of unimaginable joy and heartbreaking sorrow. A year of new adventures and more love than we knew was possible. And although I want to hold on to this second year of you, I am thrilled to dive into the next chapter and continue watching you become one of the best people I know.

 

The last 12 months brought with them so many memories, both joyful and sorrowful, that I will cherish forever because of the role you played in them. Little memories that may have normally fell to the recesses of my mind, but because of you, they still play like movies on the walls of our home. And memories that might have held a negative cloud in my heart for years, but now hang lighter because you knew exactly how to transform them. 

I remember you nursing back to sleep after far too short of a nap many afternoons. Snuggling close, needing me in order to drift back to sleep. 

I remember the joy you had learning to run outside and not being phased by the many falls and scraped knees. 

I remember when you learned to sing nursery rhymes and how they distracted you from far too many almost-tantrums. 

I remember when you learned to say I love you and it came out as "ah-you" instead. Oh how my heart soared. 

I remember the day we found out you had become a big sister! You had no idea what that meant at 13 months old, but that didn't stop you from kissing my tummy any chance you could!

I remember you learning to share and play with friends. But also struggling with a major biting problem... That thankfully was quickly outgrown. 

I remember the red of your nose in the chilly Colorado winter air. And how you played in the snow, always getting upset when it would stick to your boots and gloves. 

I remember the day we saw your brother for the first time and discovered he no longer had a beating heart. The moment you saw your mama and daddy crying, you knew we needed you more than ever. I don't like to remember much of those days, but one thing I'll never forget is the way you loved me then. Somehow, you brought joy into the pits of despair. 

I remember you experiencing the beauty of advent and Christmas in a much more powerful way this year. 

I remember you self weaning and how I cried for days about the end of our nursing relationship after 17 months. 

I remember your first ever pig tails. You looked like you had horns and I took a thousand pictures. 

I remember the Broncos winning the Super Bowl and the joy you had watching your daddy sing "We are the champions!" at the top of his lungs!

I remember you getting your first four molars all at once and how snuggly you became when they caused you pain.

I remember the way you'd welcome your daddy home everyday after work, waiting at the window saying, "Where daddy go? Oh der he is!" 

I remember all five snow days of the year, one of which dumped over 20 inches of snow on us and we, of course, took you outside to play in it! 

I remember your first time coloring Easter eggs. You kept saying "wow!" as the eggs changed colors. 

I remember when your speech exploded almost over night. I'll always love that you say "mo mo daddy" when you want more of something, even if you're asking me. And how you cry "I sowwy" whenever you are hurt or sad, even if you have nothing to be sorry about.

I remember how you literally became obsessed with your Minnie Mouse dolls and eventually your baby dolls. You're such a great little mama to them.

I remember the look you had when you met the salty Atlantic and Pacific oceans for the first time, within three weeks of each other. 

I remember the look your daddy had when he saw you enter the Happiest Place on Earth this summer. It was his dream come true.

I remember putting you to bed the night before you turned two. I held you close, kissed you, and with tears in my eyes, remembered the beauty of your birth, two years before. 

All of these memories and a million more flood my heart everyday. If I've learned anything this year, it is that I can never take any moment with you for granted. You're too much of a blessing to do so. 

You are my miracle baby. The one who made me a mama. You show me heaven here on earth. And I am forever in debt to our Lord for entrusting your soul to me. 

I love you. I am proud of you. And I cannot wait to see what the next year has to offer. 

Happy birthday, Cana Marie. 

Two.

One.

Zero.

A Different kind of Celebration

Today, July 3rd 2016, I should have been waiting impatiently for your arrival. I should be googling how to induce labor and how to deal with two babies under two. Instead, today, I am visiting your grave, praying with you in Mass as heaven meets earth, and still coping with the ache of an empty womb... 

July 3rd won't always mean as much as it does today, just as August 26th doesn't mean much anymore. Just arbitrary due dates, neither you, nor your big sister arrived on. But today it's hanging here, heavy on my heart, tearing open the wound of December 23rd all over again. 

I can't help but remember the details of that day, the anger, the fear, the pain. It would be so easy to slip into the horrible sadness of it all. It'd be easy to lock myself away today and do nothing but cry and wallow in the miserable ache that comes with losing a child. It wouldn't take any effort and in some ways it'd be completely understandable for me to do. 

But instead, today, I'm at peace. I'm choosing to replace the ache of an empty womb with the joy of a full heart. I'm letting go of the awful memories and clinging to the reality of what I have been given instead: a saint. 

Over the last six months, I've struggled to fully understand the magnitude of my statement above because I was so often focused on what I had lost and not what I had gained. I held on to the loss of a child and forgot about the joy that comes from gaining a personal intercessor in heaven. But in the last couple of weeks I've felt such a shift. I've begun to see the fruit of your prayers for me, prayers of healing and comfort and trust. And I've begun to realize that although terrible things happen, we can choose to bring joy into them. 

We chose to name you John Simeon because of the comfort we felt while reflecting on Mary, the Mother of God, and the Apostle John at the foot of the cross. Despite the heartbreaking scene, peace flowed from Christ's words to his mother and friend: "Woman, behold your son... Son, behold your mother." Mary lost her only Son that day in the cruelest of ways; but in reality, she gained a son in John the apostle and, even better, eternal life through the sacrifice of her Son. John, too, lost the one he loved so well in such a horrible way, but in reality he gained a mother and the gates heaven were opened to him. 

The moment I held you in my hands for the first time was different than I ever could have imagined. Like Mary, my heart was breaking, but the moment I laid eyes on you, I heard the words of Christ, "Woman, behold your son." All the fear and pain and anger rushed away into the abyss and instead peace flooded in. In that moment of tragedy, I smiled. I stared in awe. I loved in a way I didn't know I was capable. I met a piece of heaven. 

That moment of peace and joy has always remained. It is a gift that cannot be given back, but it can be ignored. And to be honest, I've ignored it too often these last six months, choosing instead of remember the sorrow and loss. 

But today, I choose joy. I choose peace. I choose to focus on the gift of my saint and not the loss of my earthly child. I choose to celebrate and not mourn. I choose to remember the words of Christ, and behold my saint in heaven. 

This day will not mean all that much in the future, just an arbitrary due date, you did not arrive on, but today it means a lot. Today, it means peace. 

St. John Simeon, pray for us, sweet boy. 

Spring Cleaning

Spring is by far my favorite time of the year. Especially in Colorado! The air feels cleaner, the weather is gorgeous, and everything seems to renew itself. 

The last few days I've been thinking a lot about the word renewal. Renewal in my spiritual life, my vocation and my daily life. Lent is often a time of renewal, but a week or so after Easter, I always find myself in a rut again, needing a restart button. So this week, I've been planning out what that restart button needs to look like in various areas of my life. 

Spiritually, my prayer has been so lax since Easter. Mid-lent actually... I've made excuses to put off daily prayer or become apathetic in the few minutes of prayer I have done. I'm definitely noticing an impact! I'm busy, stressed and am definitely lacking in compassion and patience when it comes to Cana. Not good. 

Here's my plan for my Spiritual Renewal:

-Read the Gospel daily and journal on it during Cana's morning nap.

-Continue dinner time prayer with my family, but don't just rush through it! 

-While nursing Cana, take time to pray in thanksgiving for her and the gift of motherhood! (So important!) 

-Read The Return of the Prodigal Son by the time Frankie is on summer break

Another area in disparate need of renewal is my Vocation. Don't worry, my marriage is fine. More an fine, it's wonderful! But I definitely could use a kick in the behind when it comes to being a stay at home wife and mother. So often I find myself complaining to Frankie about how hard my day was and yet I think back and realize I didn't accomplish a single task while he was at work. Most nights, Frankie comes home to a kitchen full of dishes, a messy living room, and a stressed out wife. He is a saint in the making for putting up with me, I swear! But I am tired of feeling stressed and lazy because I stay at home. It's an amazing vocation and I am so grateful for the ability to do so, but I can't keep taking advantage of it by watching a lot of tv and making excuses. 

Here's my plan for my Vocational Renewal:

-Get dressed, ready and put on mascara everyday. (I'm not a make up person and I love my sweat pants, so doing this will take me out of my laziness and help me understand I do have work to do each day.)

-I hate housework, it's my biggest struggle! So I will accomplish a daily chore or task. {Mon: clean the bathroom, Tues: sweep, mop, vacuum, Wed: declutter the house, put things away, Thurs: do laundry, Fri: wipe down the entire kitchen}

-Do the dishes before Frankie gets home from work so we can start dinner right away.

-Welcome Frankie home without complaining about my day as he walks in the door.

-Leave the house every day, even if it's just for a short walk to check the mail. 

There are plenty of other things I plan on changing as well, but these few are sure to help in big ways! I always love setting goals and making lists, following through, though, is the tough part! Say a prayer for me? Dankeschön.

Building a Domestic Church: one toy at a time!

Being Catholic is amazing (duh). But being a Catholic mama is a whole new level of amazing! Praying over our daughter in the womb, reading bible stories to her, praying with her before bed and taking her to Mass has all been such a blessing to our family. Watching her eyes light up when she sees the Precious Body of Christ being consecrated and the smile she gets when we pray before dinner each night is such a joy to see, and is such a great witness!

Building a Domestic Church within our family is top priority round these parts and we try to let our faith infiltrate every aspect of our home. Especially when it comes to our children! So it is no surprise that Cana has loads of books about the bible, prayers, saints and Jesus! She also has a holy family statue, a crucifix, a painting of Mary and two guardian angels in her bedroom. A girls gotta know what's important right?! 

I've been trying to accumulate some Catholic toys for Cana over the last year and so far her collection is pretty great! When you really look, there are tons of options for Catholic toys and the best part is that you'll often be supporting small shops and work-at-home-moms! Win. Win.

Here are some things we have and some things I'm dying to make or buy for Cana in the near future (her birthday is right around the corner)!

Wooden Rosary: I picked this up in a parish gift shop last December. It's eternally in the diaper bag and the only "toy" Cana is allowed to have during Mass. The best part is that she will eventually be able to pray it when she's older!

Immaculate Heart of Mary doll: This gorgeous doll was a gift from Cana's godmother, Katie for her baptism. The best part is that it was handmade by my sweet friend Raquel! She custom makes Saint dolls (literally any Saint, she's amazing) and loads of other cute things over at The Little Rose Shop! I definitely plan on getting all our future kids their patron doll and perhaps just some other fun friends to have hanging around! 

Wooden Saint Peg Dolls: These twenty peg dolls were part of an exchange my friend out together! It was such a blast. Each mama picked one saint and painted twenty pegs (I did Mary, mother of God). Then we all got together and swapped! We each ended up with twenty different Saints and a booklet of prayer cards about each saint in the bunch. We are already planning a Nativity swap (with animals and everything!!!) and another Saint swap with more obscure Saints! These dolls are sure to inspire loads of holy imagination!

Stuffed Cross Taggie: This is something I made for Cana (and it's my new go to baby shower gift!) with my awesome sewing machine! I'm just learning how to sew and this was the perfect beginners project! Babies love soft toys and of course silky tags, so why not make one in the shape of a cross? So easy and so fun! (The photo is unstuffed... Sorry!)

Mass Kit: This is something we don't yet have, but once we have a boy, I will be making one ASAP! I've seen these sell on etsy for a whole lot of lettuce, but figure it would be super easy to put one together from scratch. And what better way to get your kids interested in the Mass and possibly inspire a future vocation to the priesthood! 

Children's Nativity Set: Like I mentioned above, we are planning on making a peg doll nativity set, so we do t have this quite yet. However, I can't wait to read the nativity story with Cana next advent and allow her to play with her very own set. Hands on learning, folks! 

Books and Puzzles: Cana already has a ton of religious books on her shelf and I always enjoy finding more at thrift stores and consignment shops for next to nothing! As she gets a little older I hope to add in a bunch of puzzles as well! They're all over the place and usually on the cheaper side, so perhaps I should start looking! 

And there you have it! I'm sure there are more religious toys hidden throughout our home and a quick google search will show you pages and pages of ideas, but these are our must haves, so far! 

Anyone have any other ideas I didn't mention? I'd love to add more ideas to my birthday present list for Cana! 

How We Met: the road to marriage

In the Beginning: Erika: After spending the summer of 2010 as a missionary for Life Teen at Camp Covecrest in Georgia, I knew I wanted to do it again. However, despite my desire to return to Covecrest, God had a different plan and called me instead to Camp Tepeyac in Prescott, AZ for the summer of 2011. At first I wasn't thrilled about spending my summer at the retreat center I had been to so many times before, but little did I know... Frankie:  During my freshmen year of college a good friend of mine came to me and said, "Frankie, I have a summer job for you." After having worked at Covecrest for the previous three summers, one of which was with Erika, my buddy Luke urged me to look into doing it myself. I checked out the Life Teen website and I was sold! A Catholic summer camp was exactly the adventure I needed. He suggested I work at Camp Covecrest, but I wanted my own camp to work at. I had been to Arizona in the past and I loved it, so I applied to work at Camp Tepeyac in Prescott, AZ. Evidently I chose the right camp.. Erika: The first time I saw him, he was coming up the escalator at the Pheonix airport on the day all of the Tepeyac missionaries arrived. I remember being excited to meet him because we had a mutual friend; but that was as much as I knew about him as I hugged him and said, "Hi, I'm Erika. You're Luke's friend, right?" Frankie: When I first met Erika I remembered her from some e-mails we exchanged before camp. She was a veteran to this whole camp thing and seemed to have a lot of enthusiasm going into it. As I enjoyed a sandwich for lunch Erika plopped down right next to me and starting eating her salad. She then began to explain how she was not only lactose intolerant, but gluten-intolerant as well. I thought to myself, this girl was crazy... Erika: Almost week into our time at camp, all of us missionaries took a trip to the Grand Canyon. This was the day I claim to have found my best friend. On the long drive home, Frankie and I sat next to each other and talked about Saints and faith and everything else we could think of. And eventually, he fell asleep on my shoulder.  Frankie: For the week or so of camp, I kind of kept to myself. During free time everyone else would play games and get to know each other and I would be outside practicing my jump shot. The start of camp was like the first day of college for me and I was trying to find my place. When we went to the Grand Canyon I came out of my shell a little. On the ride home I sat next to Erika. After our great conversation I thought to myself, alright, this Erika girl is actually pretty darn cool. Dating: Erika: In the last few weeks of camp, as Frankie and I became better friends, I began to develop feelings for him. However, because we weren't supposed to date at camp and I thought I was just being silly, I prayed intensely for the feelings to disappear. However, on the last night of camp, the last night I might ever see Frankie, I caved. In a mess of emotion and confusion, I asked, "What if it wasn't so crazy?"  Frankie: As camp rolled on, Erika and I became best friends. Other missionaries approached both of us asking if we had a romantic relationship forming. Both of us couldn't help but laugh at the question, especially since I was convinced that I would never marry a woman with bigger hands than me! When she shared her feelings with me on the last day of camp, I was flattered, confused, and surprised. At the time, she was just a good friend to me; but a week later, I called her to share some feelings of my own. After realizing how much I truly cared about Erika, I asked her to pray with me until October 1st, to see if God was calling us to pursue a relationship together. Erika: On October 1, 2011 at midnight, we sat on the phone, 900 miles apart. He called me his girlfriend and I called him my boyfriend and we fully admitted that we were the cheesiest people on the planet. Seven days later I flew to Colorado to see him for the first time since camp! I was terrified it'd be weird and that we'd realize it wasn't meant to be; however, the moment I hugged him, I knew it was perfect. At the end of the weekend, when my mom picked me up from the airport and asked how it was, I replied, "I think I'm gonna marry him..." Frankie: When Erika came to visit me for the first time I was blown away by her beauty. Our first weekend dating was fantastic, and our relationship continued to grow after that. Every Sunday we would Skype and end in Night Prayer. Those Skype dates were the highlights of my week! I knew we had something special forming... Leap of Faith: Erika: After only a few months of dating, the two of us knew quite clearly that we had something great. In November of 2011, I began a 54 day Rosary Novena to Our Blessed Mother Mary to pray about moving 900 miles away to be closer to a guy I knew for less than a year. As crazy as it sounded and as scary as it seemed, on June 1, 2012, I moved into my very first apartment in Greeley, Colorado, just down the street from Frankie's house. Frankie: The old cliche for marriage is, "when you know, you know." Well after a few months, if not sooner, I knew. Erika was the one. She would drop hints about engagement and they made me feel uneasy. Around November 2012, though, these uneasy feelings went away. In discernment and prayer the idea of proposing just felt right. Proposal: Erika: After months and months of prayer, Frankie and I knew that the Lord was calling us to marriage and it's safe to say I got a little impatient! After Christmas in 2012, I knew Frankie could propose any day and I made sure I was ready by always having my nails painted and making sure I actually did my hair when he took me on dates. However, I got so impatient that I began searching for any little clue and tried to narrow down the days it could happen on. The week before we actually got engaged, Frankie told me he was going to take me on a big date; everything in me felt that this was it! I told my roommate that I thought Frankie would propose the following weekend and she informed me that almost all of our friends knew Frankie's "plan" and unfortunately, that weekend was not it. I was crushed. So much that I cried my eyes out to Frankie and apologized for being so disappointed. Again, little did I know...  Frankie: As my discernment increased, my Spiritual Director suggested I ask God for a specific date to propose. The Feast Day of Our Lady of Lourdes was coming up on February 11th and the date sounded perfect since she has been so important to my life. Seeing as the 11th was a Monday, I knew it would be hard to do it on that day, so I decided to pop the question on the 10th. We spent a beautiful day in Estes Park on the 9th and I was nervous as all get out the morning of the 10th. I tricked her into running by the chapel after Mass that morning and after I quickly changed into my suit, and grabbed some flowers, I led my future bride down the stairs to the chapel. There, I told her it was my job to get her to Heaven and that I would be by her side until my death. I asked her to be my bride, and she said exactly what I expected... SHE SAID YES!

Perfect Mercy

"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful"You see, then, that Christ has two natures in one Person, one which always was and another which began to be. And according to that nature which was eternally his, he always knew everything. But according to that which began in time, he experienced many things in time. In this way he began to know the miseries of the flesh, by that mode of cognition which the weakness of the flesh instructs. Our first parents were wiser and happier when they did not know that which they came to know only foolishly and in wretchedness. But God their Creator, seeking what was lost, came down in mercy in pursuit of his wretched creatures, to where they had miserably fallen. He wanted to experience for himself what they were suffering because they had gone against his will. He came not out of a curiosity like theirs, but out of a wonderful charity. He did not intend to remain wretched among them, but to free those who were wretched as one made merciful. Therefore Christ was made merciful, not with that mercy which he who remained happy had had from eternity, but with that mercy which he discovered in our fleshly garb as he himself went through our misery. -St. Bernard 

This morning, as I prayed through the gospel reading, I must admit, I found myself getting angry. Give and you'll be rewarded?! Oh really? Then why do I feel like I give and give and give, yet I still struggle under the weight of the same crosses day after day? I must have written the word "why" a thousand times in my journal. And then I read the quote above...

Slap.

Christ took on flesh, experienced the misery of human life (in the worst possible way), all for the sake of offering me the hope I lacked this morning. Christ doesn't just offer us perfect mercy from His seat in Heaven; no, he offers mercy that has carried every cross. He gives mercy that can relate to every struggle. He gives mercy that perfects the imperfect. 

So when I give and give and feel as if all my struggles aren't being received, I need only to remember one thing: Mercy.

Dreams Eventually Come True

Ever since Frankie, Cana and I took our lovely trip to AZ right after Christmas, I've been longing for a house. I guess staying with my parents for a week in a home big enough to put Cana to bed and not have to whisper when in the living room did me in. Not to mention, our humble apartment is on the third floor, Cana is starting to get more mobile and is running into tables and couches constantly, and we don't have any sort of yard to enjoy the (few) nice and sunny days in. 

However, because buying a house isn't yet in the cards for us, I've been spending my days looking at homes for sale in the areas I'd love to raise a family in. And in turn, I've been day dreaming about what the future of our family might look like. 

(Frankie putting a BBQ together between the wall and out dining room table because, where else?)

Now of course, God has His own plan for our future, and maybe this has nothing to do with His plan, but when I think of our little family five or ten years down the road this is what I see:

-A modest house just outside the city limits, big enough to house all our kiddos (so like five bedrooms with a bunch of bunk beds in them ;)).

-A huge yard where we can watch the kids play from the front porch. In a rocking chair. With sweet tea in hand. (Ok maybe I need to move south.... Lol)

-Our kids are cloth diapered (until potty trained, not forever lol).

-I'd love to make most of the clothes our kids wear, but I kinda suck at sewing so I'll settle for secondhand. 

-We don't own any battery operated toys that light up and make noise. I'd like that now, actually.

-We homeschool all of our kids with a great Catholic Classical curriculum and have tons of friends who do the same that we can go on field trips with. 

-There's a little farmers market down the road.

-The Pioneer Woman and I are best friends and I can cook like her without being super fat. ;)

-There's a 24 hour adoration chapel within walking distance (yes, out in the country!)

-The center of our home is a big open kitchen with a island in the middle.

-Our furniture matches. 

-And last but not least, we are happy, healthy and madly in love with being together! 

Like I said, maybe (probably) this isn't what God desires for us. And I sound so little house on the prairie! But maybe we'll live in the center of the city, send our kids to public schools, and our couches never match each other. It'll still be a great life. Because honestly, how could life with my amazing husband and daughter not be?! 

Here's to dreaming, though. 

This Cross

Last night, I stood in our kitchen, before putting Cana to bed, and prayed over my husband. He prayed over me and together we laid our hands in our squirming girl and asked God to bless her sleep. 

Frankie was finishing dishes. Cana was starving. And I was ready to relax. But we made time. Everything stopped for a minute so we could pray together as a family. Ideally, we would sit in a space designated for prayer, all distractions would be gone, and it would last more than a few minutes. But last night, that sole minute of quick prayer in the kitchen before bed was enough. It is exactly what our family needed. 

Since we got married, we've strived to incorporate praying together into our daily life. Honestly though, we've failed quite often. But we aren't prefect, so it's ok. As long as we continuously try, right? And that's the beauty of Lent. 

Lent gives us a chance to restart. To change. To convert. To pick up our cross, again, continue walking toward Christ. Just as Christ calls us to do in today's Gospel reading (Luke 9:22-25). 

I'm so glad I've been graced with a husband who is always there to help me carry my cross. When I fall, he helps me up. When I stray, he points me in the right direction. Our family is better because of him and his unending desire for Heaven. 

Month Five

Five months feels too old. I think every day this month I looked at you and thought, "where is my baby?" Despite not gaining that much weight this month, you're growing up so fast and it needs to stop. Now.

Here's the low down on month five:

You learned to sit unassisted the day after you turned four month old. And you've gotten so steady at it! You know how to balance, pick up toys and turn from side to side all while sitting!

You can pretty much roll over. You still get stuck sometimes but if you're determined, you'll figure out how to get that arm untucked! Back to belly is the easiest for you, but you've rolled from belly to back as well.

You suck at sleep. Still. I'm praying for the day I type that you sleep on your own, through the night. But until then, I'll enjoy the snuggles. 

You've started showing interest in pulling yourself up to stand. You're still too weak, but I know you'll get it soon.

You love being naked and hate getting dresses. You little nudist.

You know how to put your paci in your mouth correctly. 

We've started you back on reflux meds and I've totally cut out dairy. Hopefully that helps you feel better!

You laugh at fart sounds. Your father is proud.

You love taking baths in the big tub! You're so good in the water, you might be like your uncles and be a champ swimmer one day!

You coo and "talk" to things. Especially your hands as they wave in front of you. It's precious.

Your hand-eye coordination is spot on. You grab all the stuff in the world and inspect it oh so carefully before deciding if it will taste good. It usually always does.

You love being scared. When I surprise you by yelling "boo" you laugh your butt off after getting over the shock.

You love water bottles and cups. They're the best chew toys.

You take bottles sitting up in your high chair. And if the milk cools down even a little while drinking, you spit it out and won't continue until I reheat it. Picky...

You love your excersaucer and get seriously excited when you remember you can bounce in it. 

You fling yourself out of your bumbo. But your thighs still get stuck in it so you don't fully fall out. 

We had to retire your rock n play, swing, bouncer and bumbo be a use you can roll yourself over in them while you sleep. 

You've officially lived in two different years. Congrats and here's to many more!

You've just barely started napping in your car seat, because you refuse to fall asleep alone or in my arms. The car seat is the only way you will sleep without an hour of crying first... Thanks.

You officially survived your first football season! You were born on opening day and watched every Sunday until the Super Bowl.

We've been going to daily Mass and all the little old ladies love you! You're so good and LOVE the bells during consecration. 

We went to the ER for the first time with you and it was not fun. But I'm thanking God you're ok. 

Stats: 

You weigh 18 lbs 12 oz. this is the first time you haven't gained a pound or three since being born. I hope that means you're slowing down!

You're 26 inches long. All leg rolls.

A few of my favorite photos: