The last 12 months brought with them so many memories, both joyful and sorrowful, that I will cherish forever because of the role you played in them. Little memories that may have normally fell to the recesses of my mind, but because of you, they still play like movies on the walls of our home. And memories that might have held a negative cloud in my heart for years, but now hang lighter because you knew exactly how to transform them.
I remember you nursing back to sleep after far too short of a nap many afternoons. Snuggling close, needing me in order to drift back to sleep.
I remember the joy you had learning to run outside and not being phased by the many falls and scraped knees.
I remember when you learned to sing nursery rhymes and how they distracted you from far too many almost-tantrums.
I remember when you learned to say I love you and it came out as "ah-you" instead. Oh how my heart soared.
I remember the day we found out you had become a big sister! You had no idea what that meant at 13 months old, but that didn't stop you from kissing my tummy any chance you could!
I remember you learning to share and play with friends. But also struggling with a major biting problem... That thankfully was quickly outgrown.
I remember the red of your nose in the chilly Colorado winter air. And how you played in the snow, always getting upset when it would stick to your boots and gloves.
I remember the day we saw your brother for the first time and discovered he no longer had a beating heart. The moment you saw your mama and daddy crying, you knew we needed you more than ever. I don't like to remember much of those days, but one thing I'll never forget is the way you loved me then. Somehow, you brought joy into the pits of despair.
I remember you experiencing the beauty of advent and Christmas in a much more powerful way this year.
I remember you self weaning and how I cried for days about the end of our nursing relationship after 17 months.
I remember your first ever pig tails. You looked like you had horns and I took a thousand pictures.
I remember the Broncos winning the Super Bowl and the joy you had watching your daddy sing "We are the champions!" at the top of his lungs!
I remember you getting your first four molars all at once and how snuggly you became when they caused you pain.
I remember the way you'd welcome your daddy home everyday after work, waiting at the window saying, "Where daddy go? Oh der he is!"
I remember all five snow days of the year, one of which dumped over 20 inches of snow on us and we, of course, took you outside to play in it!
I remember your first time coloring Easter eggs. You kept saying "wow!" as the eggs changed colors.
I remember when your speech exploded almost over night. I'll always love that you say "mo mo daddy" when you want more of something, even if you're asking me. And how you cry "I sowwy" whenever you are hurt or sad, even if you have nothing to be sorry about.
I remember how you literally became obsessed with your Minnie Mouse dolls and eventually your baby dolls. You're such a great little mama to them.
I remember the look you had when you met the salty Atlantic and Pacific oceans for the first time, within three weeks of each other.
I remember the look your daddy had when he saw you enter the Happiest Place on Earth this summer. It was his dream come true.
I remember putting you to bed the night before you turned two. I held you close, kissed you, and with tears in my eyes, remembered the beauty of your birth, two years before.
All of these memories and a million more flood my heart everyday. If I've learned anything this year, it is that I can never take any moment with you for granted. You're too much of a blessing to do so.
You are my miracle baby. The one who made me a mama. You show me heaven here on earth. And I am forever in debt to our Lord for entrusting your soul to me.
I love you. I am proud of you. And I cannot wait to see what the next year has to offer.
Happy birthday, Cana Marie.
One.
